Friday, 23 June 2017

Round Round Get A Round



We're sitting around
debating the Cadbury's Roundie
ideas are going round in circles
like a merry-go-round
we're on a poetry roundabout
with more letters than a postman's round
who's first to get a round in?
cups of tea all round
tick tock the hands keep moving round
we'll finish now, we've run a ground!

Biscuit: Cadbury's Roundies
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: £1.99 for 5 from Waitrose in Lymington

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Some People



This week we participated in a New Forest Arts Festival outdoor poetry workshop run by poet Mark Rutter.
Here's one of the poems we wrote, it's inspired by nature.

Some people get struck by lightning
Others are struck by its beauty
Some people are rash criticising nettles
Others enjoy a cup of healthy nettle tea
Some people despise arachnid beasts
Others know their webs catch insect feasts
Some people's eyes itch exposed to pollination
Others get that without it there would be no creation.

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Summer Fantasy

Spirits lifted by the sun
Ice creams melting one by one
Cocktails chilling in that shade
I'll make you a lemonade
Lemon floating in my drink
In the sun, skin's all pink
Afternoon nap beneath palm trees
Night arrives with a cool breeze

Love is in the air
Everlasting euphoria everywhere
Memories to cherish over winter time
Oh we've had enough of this rhyme
Nothing is ever this sublime!

Biscuit: White chocolate and Sicilian Lemon all butter biscuits
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.75 from Waitrose in Portswood




Thursday, 1 June 2017

Butter or Marge: The real deal or the substitute





Election time and the politicians are here,
Buttering us up with their smooth, slick talk.
They deserve less than a pat on the head.
They tell us we’ll be in Clover
And you butter believe them.


We need an Anchor in these troubled times,
A Stork to deliver the NHS,
But what we hear is a Lurpak of empty promises
And a Country Life of hunting foxes.


The media’s misinformation is like Flora,
Easily spread, or like Bertolli,
Olive oil on troubled waters.
But voting is a contract, for butter or worse.


These lines have been inspired
By a banana and butterscotch nationalist,
A chocolate chump and pecan Nuttall,
Who’s ginger and rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.
Those politicians, they all take the buttery biscuit.

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Kitchen Appeal



Let's hope everyone will pitch in
'Cos we really need a new kitchen
The old one's not very good looking
We've got no room to do the cooking

We desperately want something finer
Quick let's find a designer
The tea station is moving to keep us calm
And a lovely new cooker won't set off the alarm

The existing fridge is really quite old
We need a new one to keep our food cold
The dishwasher has seen better days
It's time to start a new culinary phase

A smart new kitchen will sparkle and shine
And make our cooking taste even more divine!

We need to raise £6000 for a new kitchen, to donate please go to: https://www.justgiving.com/campaigns/charity/headwaysouthampton/kitchenappeal

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Undigested Indecision




Doctor, Doctor we have a serious case of indecision
over 900 channels on the television
we're always being bombarded by the media
with all the choices they want to feed ya

Day to day, so many voices
offering up so many choices
time for us to digress
let's get out of this mess

Life needs to be simplified
the important things should be prioritised
support the things that matter
get rid of the useless clutter

Make sure you make the right call
these decisions may affect us all.

Biscuit: Orange Digestive Biscuits
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1 from Tesco in New Milton

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

A to Z of Brain Injury


A is for aneurysm - that's mindblowing
B is for brain injury, the invisible disability
C is for cerebral cortex, our grey matter
D is for dysphasia that hampers communication
E is for emotional change and never feeling the same again
F is for forgetful, often forgetting what you want to say
G is for glial cells that glue the brain together
H is for HEADWAY SOUTHAMPTON
I is for inhibitions lost
J is for journey towards recovery
K is for knowledge, learning about brain injury
L is for long term condition
M is for memory, who am I?
N is for neurons - 100 billion in your brain
O is for occipital lobe that controls your vision
P is for personality that can change in an instant
Q is for questioning your own sanity
R is for rehabilitation of your mental situation
S is for sensory impairment, sight, taste, hearing, smell and touch
T is for temporal lobe that is all about communication
U is for uncertainty about your future
V is for victory, surviving a brain injury
X if for all the x-rays to be endured
Y is for why me?
Zzzzz is for the never ending fatigue.....

Biscuit: Kex
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: £1.15 from Ikea in Southampton

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

A Weird World





The world has turned weird.
Everyone’s growing a beard.
The world has turned weird
And it’s worse than we feared.
The world has turned weird.
Trump, the new messiah has appeared
The world has turned weird.
Way off course it’s careered.
Once presidents persuaded and steered.
Now they’re sneered at and jeered.
Politician’s names are smeared
As to their claims they have not adhered.
The world has turned weird.
Common sense has disappeared.
The world has turned weird,
Upside down and North Koreaed.
It’s so sad that we’re reduced to a sneer.
So much better if we learned to love and not to fear.

Marlene’s Clotted Cream
Shortbread from Exmouth


Tuesday, 18 April 2017

The Nuclear Option




These Chinese biscuits are green and nuclear
They are a fitting snack
When the future is so unclear

USA and North Korea stop playing on our atomic fear
it feels like the end of the world is drawing near

The two leaders, Trump and Kim Jong Un
need to compromise and get on
to find a peaceful solution

North Korean activist Park Yeong-Mi
is speaking up bravely for the world to see
she's urging China to put on pressure and authority
and to stop turning back scared refugees

Please act now before it ends in catastrophe
and we see the outbreak of World War III

Biscuit: Jasmine and Oolong Tea Cookies
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: Gift from China

Friday, 7 April 2017

Newly Minted




The new pound coin produced by the Royal Mint
Has a bronze metallic hologram-style glint
And will stop the forgers making us skint.
Roast lamb with rosemary and mint
Will make our eyes sparkle and glint
Unless we’re short of cash and skint


Most of us have a favourite mint.
Katie likes a polo from her pocket stuck with lint.
Shan loves choc chip ices with a hint
Of green, hot and cool peppermint.
Jen’s favourite is not even a mint but Swiss Lindt.
Perhaps she’s offering an Easter hint.


Katie has a new hat, green as mint,
Shaped like a brain, with a bluish tint,
Bought in Ikea to make us squint.
Jamie has new glasses, their condition mint,
Anti-glare, with a photo-reactive tint,
So in sunlight he need not squint.


Paul likes Matchmakers and almost any other mint.
You can stick them to your fingers and make them sprint
But because they melt they’re no use as a splint.
All of us will relish a cool glacier mint
After a long day and an Olympic sprint.
‘At night’, Paul tells us, ‘I wear a splint.’


Dave arriving late, cholesterol high, should take the doctor’s hint,
study hard the medicinal small print
and drink his tea in litres laced with mint.
Mint Chocolate Rounds from Lidl
With silver in the middle,
Like the new one pound,
But round.

Biscuit: Mint Chocolate Rounds,
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: From Lidl in Totton - cheap!

Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Branching Out







The New Forest was made in honour
As a hunting ground for William the Conqueror
To shoot deer amongst the trees
Of which there are so many varieties.


Our Bill was a Gallic or garlic bloke
And built his invasion ships from mighty oak.
He gave the English army such a bash,
With an arrow in the eye for Harold made of ash.


At the Balmer Lawn they say ‘Owzat’
As they play cricket with a willow bat.
When the Forest weather is fine
You can stroll through avenues of pine.


And in springtime you can see
Pale pink blossom on the cherry tree.
In summer heat you can rest in shade
Of a rare elm or dark beech glade.


Autumn brings the crab apple glut,
Hazels and the fire-roasted chestnut.
It sows the spinning seeds of sycamore
And lets loose the woodsman with his chainsaw.


When there’s frost on the ground the foresters produce
Abundant quantities of Norway spruce.
Christmas is the proverbial season to be jolly
So try your pudding with a sprig of holly.


Among the names we have neglected to use
Are the redwood, cypress, fir and Serbian spruce,
The larch and alder, birch and elder and other species
Because it’s so hard to 'cedar wood for the trees'.


We wanted to include this olive biscuit
But decided not to risk it.
It is made with onion and cheese,
Which coincidentally rhymes with ‘trees’.

Biscuit: Grissini Cipolle or Italian Bread Sticks,
gathered from Italian Bread Trees.
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from the Bread Tree

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Chuck Berry RIP



The world of rock 'n roll is mourning
the loss of one of it's founding fathers
Chuck Berry has left all a grieving
90 years old but still achieving

His songs inspired teenagers to rebel
fans were told they would go to hell
he hopped and bopped across the stage
Before ACDC were all the rage

Johnny Be Good, My Ding A Ling, No particular place to go
Chuck strived to create a new sound
he added vibe and passion to the Blues
impressed the crowds with his outlandish moves

He counted Greats Jerry Lee Lewis, Ben E King,
and Buddy Holly as mates
we wish we could go back to his future
In the 50's he went far
doing his duckwalk with his guitar

Biscuit: Arden's Nutty Nibbles
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.79 from Waitrose in Lymington


Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Why? For National Ask a Question Day.





Why is the world a sphere?
Why does the moon draw the tide?
Why are the planets here?
Would you like a rocket ride?

Why are you asking me?
Why isn’t it lunch time?
What can a mole see?
Why should a poem rhyme?

Why isn’t the weather always fine?
Did you bathe in the sea yesterday?
Is there a being that’s divine?
Can you come out to play?

Why is X a chromosome?
Why do biscuits give us indigestion?
Why are we obsessed with a phone?
As Shakespeare wrote, that is the question.

Biscuit: Amaretti
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Fiona

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Chop Chop Chop





Chop, Chop, Chop
It's Budget Day tomorrow
Which services will end in sorrow?
How many of Hammond's promises
will be hollow?
Is it fair that social care
and education
will feel no elation
about the financial situation?
Dissipation of funding
to the NHS
will leave patients in distress
Diverting budget from Academies
to Grammars
will crush our schools like blows
from hammers
The Government needs to prioritise
open its eyes and stop the cuts
that we all despise.

Biscuit: Oreo Thins
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Thursday, 2 March 2017

The warmth of Spain





The warmth of Spain
is baked into this biscuit,
it's crisp and snappy
with a cinnamon hit,
we'll polish
the plate off bit by bit.
After our siesta,
we'll have a wild fiesta,
watch bulls in Pamplona,
and Gaudi in Barcelona,
find a senorita
and make her dance with Peter,
we'll attempt the Flamenco
before saying Hasta Luego!

Biscuit: Galletas a la Canela (Cinnamon Biscuits)
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Almunecar in Spain


Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Crumbs of Comfort for St Valentine's Day







If it’s passion that you feel,
Don’t try these biscuits for your romantic meal.


If you are swept away with emotion
Don’t choose these to munch on.


If you look for symbols of love
Our biscuits do not fit the category above.


All they do is cause you pain.
Better chocolates, roses and champagne.


If you aim your love to embrace
They won’t cause your heart to race.


Crusty, dusty, old, dry and musty,
Hardly exciting and not at all lusty.


They are not worth much money
So will surely not impress your honey.


Although these biscuits do not inspire delight
We hope you still enjoy a perfect night.

Biscuit: Nature Valley
Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: Giving them away at Lidl!

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Nuts for Peanuts





We've all gone nuts for peanuts
we're not talking Charlie Brown,
Snoopy & Woodstock
but rather the legume that
could give you anaphylactic shock.

What's more if Rottweilers are chasing you,
give them peanut butter to chew,
it acts like superglue
and stops vicious dogs from biting you.

George Washington Carver
invented peanut shampoo
whilst before Jimmy Carter was president,
peanuts he grew.

Peanuts are delicious
they're also uber goober* nutritious,
astronauts eat them in space
and a Snickers bar means you'll win a race,
even a Marathon.

* another word for a peanut

Biscuit: Reese's Peanut Butter Rounds
Taste test: 9.9 out of 10
Cost: £1.50 Waitrose in Lymington


Thursday, 2 February 2017

Biscuit Rapper



Yo Yo Yo  - what's up biscuit homies?
Opening the wrapper is giving us the moanies
The packaging is a load of old pony
Finding the scissors is making us groany!

They are crumbly, crunchy and crispy too,
they went down well with the biscuit crew,
get down to our kitchen and grab yourself a brew,
and have yourself more biscuits from a packet of two.

So many flavours - it's hard to cope
but the taste of the biscuits is really dope
if we gave them to the Pope, he wouldn't say nope
it sounds like a joke but they filled us with hope.

And that's a wrap!

Biscuit: Irwin Mitchell Solicitors' Meeting Room Biscuits
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Free - thanks Jack

Friday, 27 January 2017

Upside Down




This week we've been cast asunder,
we've gone to the land down under
the home of the aboriginials, kookaburras,
boomerangs, digereedos, spiders,
wallabies and kangaroos.
It's where Jason kissed Kylie
and everybody's smiley,
because the sun always shines
ripening the grapes that hang on the vines,
bronzing the skin of the 
Bondi Life savers
who prevent the sharks
from devouring the bathers.
Dingos, vegemite, Skippy, koalas,
crocs,
if you're a Sheila or a Blue
throw a shrimp on the BBQ,
grab a tinny and head for the Outback
where Andy Murray's moping 
because he crashed out of the 
Australian Open.

Biscuit: Kooka's country cookies
Taste test: 9 out of 10

Cost: A gift from Australia - thanks Vicky

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Goodbye to Gluttony

We're plump turkeys
and fattened geese,
over the past greedy weeks
we've overindulged in a festive feast

Can you do up your trouser button?
Have you too been a Christmas glutton?
If the amount you've eaten is quite obscene
then it's time you adopted a diet regime

Did you wake up today with a frown?
Then act now and put those mince pies down
Are you keen to be good?
Then mince past the remains of the Xmas pud

Throw your turkey leftovers in the bin
And get yourself down to your local gym
If you're quick
you'll get 3 month's free membership

Biscuit: Nairn's Super Seeded Organic Oatcakes
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.39 Waitrose in Lymington