Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Tosh and Piffle

At Headway we're not averse,
to speaking tosh and nonsensical verse.
Twaddle, gobbledigook, bunkum and double dutch,
we speak them all fluently with a very fine touch

Yet the posh speak tosh to impress,
littering their language with dross to excess.
Whilst Trump slates all the news as phoney,
and runs the White House by tweeting baloney.

Codswallop, gibberish, drivel and tripe,
ignore the tosh speakers - don't believe their hype.
Tommyrot and hyperbole creating a fug
close your ears it's all just humbug!

Biscuit: Tosh chocolate and hazelnut biscuits
Taste test: 9.8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Costa Rica

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

Back to Skool

We are sitting comfortably
so we'll begin,
let's go through the round window,
and see what delights it has to show.

Look, the nation's children wait,
with anticipation and elation at the school gate.
It's back to skool for all,
welcome back assembly in the hall,
new teachers and timetables,
new class mates and name labels.

First lesson - double maths,
with not that many laffs!
Watching the clock hands go round,
waiting for the bell to sound.

Summer is over and it's time to knuckle down,
put on your school pullover,
replace your smile with a frown,
or just take on your new role as class clown.

Biscuit: Jammy Wheels
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 34p from Lidl

Tuesday, 29 August 2017

If I was the King of Spain

If I was the king of Spain
I’d summon summer rain.
I’d have paella every day
On a plate with gold inlay.

If I were king of Spain
I’d make everyone equal again.
If I ruled the roost
I’d give each pay packet a boost.

I’d give you all a holiday
So you can stretch your legs and play.
I’d sing our anthem with castanets
And cancel all the national debts.

I’d revive the peseta.
I’d be a job creator.
I’d spend all my time on the beach,
Ripening in the sun like a peach.

I’d feed on lobster and John Dory,
An evening menu that’s quite a story.
I’d make cerveza free for all
So we’d all get drunk
And have a right, royal ball

I’d go to Palma Nova
But steer clear of Barcelona.
So, Viva Espana.
I’ll do all that – manana.

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Thank you Team GB

We saw Usain's last bolt
which brought his record breaking career to a halt,
Mighty Mo ran his last track race
coming first and second's no disgrace,
Britain put on a great display
and smashed it in the men's relay,
Laura Muir nearly medalled and did us proud
she ran her heart out for the UK crowd,
Jonathan Edward's triple jump record was at risk
when a USA athlete almost beat it but missed,
We're exhausted from watching, we've got nothing left
Thank you Team GB - you really are the best!

Biscuit: Butterfinger Cups
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Sue

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Our Land

Imagine a land - our land,
let's call it Headway Land,
tea and biscuits are always on tap
conversation flows - it's a good craic!

Different activities stimulate the brain,
from gardening to cooking to sailing in the rain,
we're pushed to our limits, beyond our comfort zone
building up confidence to cope when we're alone.

To some it's a life line, stops us vegetating,
keeps us light-hearted, even when we're educating.
You'll be bowled over by our sporting skills,
and gallery trips providing artistic thrills.

In our new kitchen we'll cook up a treat,
Tasty puddings and meals to eat.
At Headway we're a merry band,
especially scoffing cookies from Maryland.

Biscuit: Maryland Thins - salted caramel
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: £1 at Asda in Totton

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 4

Toffee and banana in a digestive,
Paul arriving in a cap that’s festive

England women cricket world champs,
Lionesses knocking out France.
Extra money that would Brian’s life enhance.

Jamie so glad to be alive,
Sy happy just to survive.

Giraffes in general,
Graceful and tall,
While Kirsty likes supporting Paul.

Battery technology for scooters and cars,
Planets and stars,
The Milky Way and Mars.

A second chance in life,
My forgiving wife.

Tomatoes in the greenhouse
That have escaped the mouse.
The clean structures of the Bauhaus.

Friendship, blue skies,
The light in Julie’s eyes.

Biscuit: Banoffee Caramel Digestives
Taste test:  7 out of 10
Cost: 50p on special offer at Waitrose in Lymington

Thursday, 27 July 2017

The Surreal Deal

The artist, Salvador Dali
Paints subjects that seem so bizarre.
Swans reflect elephants. A telephone lobster
Stretches our imagination so very far.

His pictures melt our minds
As his art dissolves time and space.
But now this famous surrealist
Is the subject of his own surreal case.

A sixty-one year old fortune teller
Now claims to be his love child
and is after his estate and his fortune.
She has applied for his bones to be filed

And his DNA tested. The opened casket
Revealed only dust, decay and slime.
But, like his clocks, waxed and intact,
His moustache has stood the test of time.

Biscuit: Lidl’s chocolate chip and butter shortbread.
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: Cheap at half the price