Thursday, 23 June 2016

Don't Forget To Vote!

Rich and Nutty
like Mr Johnson,
he wants us
to leave the EU,
do you?

Are you in or out?
Or do you shake it all about?
Everyone's confused
of that there is no doubt.

It's either Farage's barrage
of xenophobia,
or the Fat Cats and bureaucrats
(and not forgetting expats),
who have a lot to gain if we remain.

Where's the truth?
There's so much uncertainty
from every party,
experts are dismissed as liars
and we're inundated with misleading flyers.
There's so much at stake,
it's the biggest decision we'll make.

So think long and hard
when you go with your polling card,
vote with your gut feeling
not just with what sounds appealing.

Biscuit: Rich and Nutty Peanut Cookies
Taste test:  8.9 out of 10
Cost: From Tesco in Brockenhurst - made in the EU!

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Darkness Descends

Why do people administer
acts of darkness,
so abhorrent and sinister?

Last week football hooligans intent on violence,
succeeded in clouding the Euros in stunned silence.
Across the water innocent clubbers were felled,
by a rampant gunman on the road to hell.

Each week the headlines are more bleak,
we can't go on turning the other cheek
whilst a constant stream of extreme factions,
carry out senseless, brutal activity.

Wars have been fought over less,
why is the world in such a mess?

Biscuit: Loacker Gran Pasticceria Dark Hazlenut
Taste test:  9.9 out of 10
Cost: From Waitrose in Lymington

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

R.I.P. Muhammad Ali

The Louisville Lip
always quick with a quip
he floated like a butterfly
stung like a bee
always voicing his opinions lyrically

Boxing wasn't his only fight
he also fought for human rights
he was conditioned to win
not to kill
he refused to go to war
against  his will

Ali had a rumble in the jungle
and a thriller in Manila
knocking out George Foreman
calling Joe Fraser a gorilla

A heavy weight champ
who championed his race
and fought for a world
where everyone had their place

His bout with Parkinson's
was his hardest ever
three decades long
an unwinnable endeavour

Rest in peace Muhammad Ali

Biscuit: Sweet Biscuit Assortment
Taste test:  7 out of 10
Cost: From Sainsbuy's in Southampton

Thursday, 2 June 2016

The Good Old Days?

Were the good old days
really that wonderful?
Or are false memories
causing the heartstrings to pull?

Was the music that much better?
Did the winters demand a sweater?
Were there really lots of jobs,
neighbours friendly, without dangerous dogs?
Are people now acting like drones
spending all day on their mobile phones?
Were the phones not so congested?
Were our children more seldom tested?
Did we not depend on technology,
but used our brains as they're meant to be?
Were 3 channels quite enough?
Today they're watching rubbish stuff.

Are those days we're really missing?
Or are we sentimentally reminiscing?
When our thoughts become regressive
maybe we should eat a Tuckey's digestive.

Biscuit: Tuckey's Proper Digestives
Taste test:  5 out of 10
Cost: From Waitrose in Lymington

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Funny Bunny

A fish called Swishy
a hamster hailed Hamlet
a kitty with Mittens
and a dog who's a Scruff
Pets, can you ever love them enough?

Joey's a budgie
always in flap
Lucky is an extraordinary
black and white cat
Sylvester's a horse
who's completed the course
Sidney's a snake
shedding his skin
Snowy's a parrot
creating a din

But Nibbles, Oh Nibbles
he's the cream of the crop
so flouncy and bouncy
a funny bunny on the hop.

Biscuit: McVitie's Digestives Nibbles
Taste test:  7 out of 10
Cost: £1.50 in Waitrose

Tuesday, 3 May 2016


Leicester City have won,
even though their odds were 5000 - 1,
they've outfoxed all the major teams,
by working together to achieve their dreams.

Wenger is whinging, Pochettino is cringing,
whilst Claudio Ranieri
has become Leicester's magic fairy,
this Mr Nice Guy has managed his team,
without resorting to tantrums or screams.

Perhaps Richard III influenced their glory,
since being found 10ft under a multi-storey.
Commentators love to keep the underdogs in boxes,
but the script's been rewritten by the triumphant Foxes!

Biscuit: Fox's Nice Creams
Taste test:  8 out of 10
Cost: £1 in Poundland, Totton.

Thursday, 21 April 2016

21 Spoonfuls of Sugar

We're the fattest nation in Europe
and that's a fact,
It isn't surprising, as we're not exercising
so our over consumption is having an impact.
Kids are putting on weight to the max,
now the Treasury have announced a sugar tax.

Brands like Dolmio are being forced to speak,
recommending their sugar loaded products for only once a week.
Yet 21 spoonfuls of sugar in a bottle of coke,
is nothing more than a twisted joke.
Our collective health is in really bad shape,
are we going to fight it or just accept our fate?

The solution is simple,
Stop when you're full,
and eat real food, shun processed, don't risk it,
if you fancy a treat try baking a biscuit
otherwise the effects will be quite cataclysmic.

PS What to you call a fat alien? An extra cholesterol.

Biscuit: Almond Thins
Taste test:  9.7 out of 10
Cost: Waitrose in Lymington, over a £1