Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Chuck Berry RIP

The world of rock 'n roll is mourning
the loss of one of it's founding fathers
Chuck Berry has left all a grieving
90 years old but still achieving

His songs inspired teenagers to rebel
fans were told they would go to hell
he hopped and bopped across the stage
Before ACDC were all the rage

Johnny Be Good, My Ding A Ling, No particular place to go
Chuck strived to create a new sound
he added vibe and passion to the Blues
impressed the crowds with his outlandish moves

He counted Greats Jerry Lee Lewis, Ben E King,
and Buddy Holly as mates
we wish we could go back to his future
In the 50's he went far
doing his duckwalk with his guitar

Biscuit: Arden's Nutty Nibbles
Taste test: 6 out of 10
Cost: £1.79 from Waitrose in Lymington

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Why? For National Ask a Question Day.

Why is the world a sphere?
Why does the moon draw the tide?
Why are the planets here?
Would you like a rocket ride?

Why are you asking me?
Why isn’t it lunch time?
What can a mole see?
Why should a poem rhyme?

Why isn’t the weather always fine?
Did you bathe in the sea yesterday?
Is there a being that’s divine?
Can you come out to play?

Why is X a chromosome?
Why do biscuits give us indigestion?
Why are we obsessed with a phone?
As Shakespeare wrote, that is the question.

Biscuit: Amaretti
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: Gift from Fiona

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Chop Chop Chop

Chop, Chop, Chop
It's Budget Day tomorrow
Which services will end in sorrow?
How many of Hammond's promises
will be hollow?
Is it fair that social care
and education
will feel no elation
about the financial situation?
Dissipation of funding
to the NHS
will leave patients in distress
Diverting budget from Academies
to Grammars
will crush our schools like blows
from hammers
The Government needs to prioritise
open its eyes and stop the cuts
that we all despise.

Biscuit: Oreo Thins
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Thursday, 2 March 2017

The warmth of Spain

The warmth of Spain
is baked into this biscuit,
it's crisp and snappy
with a cinnamon hit,
we'll polish
the plate off bit by bit.
After our siesta,
we'll have a wild fiesta,
watch bulls in Pamplona,
and Gaudi in Barcelona,
find a senorita
and make her dance with Peter,
we'll attempt the Flamenco
before saying Hasta Luego!

Biscuit: Galletas a la Canela (Cinnamon Biscuits)
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: A gift from Almunecar in Spain

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Crumbs of Comfort for St Valentine's Day

If it’s passion that you feel,
Don’t try these biscuits for your romantic meal.

If you are swept away with emotion
Don’t choose these to munch on.

If you look for symbols of love
Our biscuits do not fit the category above.

All they do is cause you pain.
Better chocolates, roses and champagne.

If you aim your love to embrace
They won’t cause your heart to race.

Crusty, dusty, old, dry and musty,
Hardly exciting and not at all lusty.

They are not worth much money
So will surely not impress your honey.

Although these biscuits do not inspire delight
We hope you still enjoy a perfect night.

Biscuit: Nature Valley
Taste test: 4 out of 10
Cost: Giving them away at Lidl!

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Nuts for Peanuts

We've all gone nuts for peanuts
we're not talking Charlie Brown,
Snoopy & Woodstock
but rather the legume that
could give you anaphylactic shock.

What's more if Rottweilers are chasing you,
give them peanut butter to chew,
it acts like superglue
and stops vicious dogs from biting you.

George Washington Carver
invented peanut shampoo
whilst before Jimmy Carter was president,
peanuts he grew.

Peanuts are delicious
they're also uber goober* nutritious,
astronauts eat them in space
and a Snickers bar means you'll win a race,
even a Marathon.

* another word for a peanut

Biscuit: Reese's Peanut Butter Rounds
Taste test: 9.9 out of 10
Cost: £1.50 Waitrose in Lymington

Thursday, 2 February 2017

Biscuit Rapper

Yo Yo Yo  - what's up biscuit homies?
Opening the wrapper is giving us the moanies
The packaging is a load of old pony
Finding the scissors is making us groany!

They are crumbly, crunchy and crispy too,
they went down well with the biscuit crew,
get down to our kitchen and grab yourself a brew,
and have yourself more biscuits from a packet of two.

So many flavours - it's hard to cope
but the taste of the biscuits is really dope
if we gave them to the Pope, he wouldn't say nope
it sounds like a joke but they filled us with hope.

And that's a wrap!

Biscuit: Irwin Mitchell Solicitors' Meeting Room Biscuits
Taste test: 9 out of 10
Cost: Free - thanks Jack