Tuesday, 9 December 2014

The Misteak - A Found Poem

We munched on dark chocolate digestives today, which obviously put us in a dark frame of mind. Perfect for our first stab at a found poem. Found poems take existing texts and refashion, reorder and refresh them into poetry. We were inspired by the writing of journalists Rebecca Armstrong http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/in-sickness-and-in-health-i-hope-that-one-day-hell-want-his-moose-head-again-9882195.html and Samuel Muston http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/love-to-eat-steak-heres-how-to-get-the-grill-of-your-dreams-9874005.html. Read their articles and then our poem (best enjoyed if read in a 1920's NY gangster voice).

If it's sticky or has any smell
have nothing to do with it.
It causes more confusion
than trigonometry.
Both were a bit off target.
I knew the meat at room temperature.
But what of the cooking?
We were in danger of running out of oxygen.
You should sell that stuff on eBay.
One day he'll want his head again.

Biscuit: McVitie's Dark Chocolate Digestives
Taste test: 10 out of 10 (quite simply the best)
Cost: Worth every penny from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Mer-wry Christmas Shopping Advice

Black Friday, Green Sunday, Cyber Monday.
If you're looking for a deal you'll be happy,
but you'd better watch out it might get scrappy!

Think before getting too materialistic.
In the panic and rush to find a bargain,
people have forgotten "Goodwill to all men".

If you don't want to feed the consumer machine.
Shop local, shop crafty, shop artisan, shop wise,
and don't believe the conglomerate lies.

Open your eyes to the harsh reality of Christmas.
When some have to choose to heat or to eat
whilst others spend the day alone on the street.

Just as the Angel Gabriel said
"Fear not, if all else fails,
you can always pop to the January sales."

Biscuit: Ryvita Original with Philadelphia Cream Cheese ('Wry' advice - geddit?)
Taste: 8 out of 10
Cost: 99p from Tesco in Brockenhurst

Friday, 28 November 2014

An Observation on Dogs

Dogs are loyal
Sheep dogs, shooting dogs, guide dogs, rescue dogs
Prince had only 3 legs,
he was friendly and colourful and kept falling over,
Dark and mysterious was treacle.

Dogs are fun loving animas,
they do smell bad though,
they have the stinkiest farts known to man.

Honey the German Shepherd was lovely,
but scared of Mandy's husband,
Colin and Polly were hilarious and fluffy,
Merlin the Jack Russell spent hours,
amusing himself by chasing his tail,
Molly was sent to the kennels because
she would eat everyones' shoes.

Dogs listen without comment and love without condition,
They are so energetic, full of love and affection.

Biscuit: Cadbury Mini Animals
Taste test: 8 out of 10
Cost: £1.59 from Waitrose in Lymington

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Hip to be Square

Today it's hip to be square
4 equal sides, 2 dimensional
Perfect to divide and share
To be square is to be conventional

Today it's hip to be square
4 lines of symmetry, 2 faces
Perfect to stack over there
Constructive tessellation
Building towers in different places

Biscuit: Rice Krispies Squares
Taste test: 7 out of 10
Cost: £1.69 for 4 from Tesco in New Milton

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Nude Korean Treats

Korean biscuit sticks, a food
With flavours so much more than good,
‘original’, ‘almond’ and ‘nude’
Although we do not wish to be rude.

When this blog began we did not foresee a
Day that we would eat biscuits from Korea.
They dissolve so sweetly in the mouth,
So we assume they’re from the south.

Sent from the Institute of Sejong,
On the plate they hardly lasted long.
We’d like to thank the language students there
For their gift, so generous and fair.

Three whole packets we ate in a trice.
We’re glad they were not from north of the border,
Where all they consume is a bowl of plain rice,
Where Kim and his cronies keep rigid order.

We hope they don’t follow our blog today,
And choose to send their next rocket our way.
Now we think we should end what we say
Before we get blown completely away.

Biscuit: Lotte Pepero
Taste test: 9.999 out of 10
Cost: A gift from the Institute of Sejong 

Friday, 7 November 2014

Making A Mint

From Lidl, assuming there’s no fiddle.

Poor old Lloyds have almost no money.
Don’t you find that terribly funny.

Other banks are making a mint.
They’ve left the rest of us skint.

They’re so choc full of cash
They can’t hide their huge stash.

Their managers feel no stress
They’ve followed the rules of RBS.

Like Fred the Shred they live so well
And leave the rest of us to rot in hell.

The staff will come off worst, we bet,
As the black horse gallops into the sunset.

Short and sweet like this biscuit.
Our accountant, Jegan, has worked out
The proportion of chocolate in it.

Eighty nine per cent or just about.

Biscuit: Mister CHOC  Crispy Mint Choco Chips 
Taste test: 8.5 out of 10
Cost: Cheap as chips from Lidl in Totton

Friday, 24 October 2014

Happy Birthday

Today is someone's birthday,
is it your's today?
Are you celebrating
or will you hide away?
Are you happy to exist
adding wishes to your list,
or do you turn the other cheek
when offered a birthday kiss?

People are divided
into the celebrators and the nots,
those who won't tell a soul
and would rather it forgot,
and the others who like to
broadcast the fact,
who yearn to be pampered
and patted on the back.

However you choose to mark
the passing of your years,
be it with a party, cake or
a round of cheers.
Acknowledge the fact
that you're a year wiser,
ever closer to your obituary
in the local Advertiser.

Biscuit: DeBeukelaer ChocOle
Taste test: 9.9 out of 10
Cost: £1.39 from Waitrose in Lymington